The alarm clock buzzes 6am. After an initial bout of squirming, you eventually jolt your eyes awake and in come streaming the colours.
The indigo blue of the wall in front of your bed, the soft yellow hue of the bedside lamp you just turned on, the unmistakably popping purple of the orchid that flamboyantly exclaims: “I am HERE.”
But guess what? If there is another set of eyes next to you, waking up to the same alarm clock and scene… those eyes will see the same quotidian spectacle just a tad differently.
My eyes don’t see what your eyes see. They never will. Objective shared reality between any two people does. not. exist.
“But hold on,” you say, “isn’t the point of US to be on the same page?”
It’s a hard pill to swallow: Others will never fully know your experience. Gulp. Here’s a bit of water to chase the pill down:
Once we truly dropkick that outdated idea, what we make space for is the dance. The tango of me knowing myself well enough to find words and gestures that will do justice to how I experience the world. The bachata of you listening to my rendition with curiosity and without needing me to see the world as you see it. The waltz of me offering lovingly right back the same full-bodied listening.
We might step on each other’s toes as we learn to dance. But we’re dancing nonetheless.
You are a mystery. Slightly frazzled, slightly magic. But I am not Poirot, searching to solve the puzzle that is you to put you in neatly explainable boxes that my mind can find comforting. You are always unknown to me. I show up daily, though, to find out what’s alive in you today. You are a life in Technicolor. The nuances of which I will never see perfectly. But they will be loved anyway, without “ifs or buts”.
May you offer this to those you love and receive it bountifully back. And may that exchange make even more colours pop in the landscape of your eyes. (P.S. Let it be known that this non-judgemental way of loving and living is a true work in progress for me. I do not *yet* embody this but I am adamant on learning it. There is absolutely no other way. I know it in my gut and every bit of my “wise woman” is oriented towards truly learning it. Not just masterfully talking about it, but having it concretely reflected in the quality of the relationships I am so lucky to forge in this short life. I will know I am making the steps in the right direction when the people I love start expanding in my presence and breathing more deeply. I will not settle for anything else, firstly, from myself, and secondly, for myself.)